The Source

As a medical student, I’ve searched/asked for many things. Simple things like food, money, more brain power; deeper things like inner strength, resilience, courage. It’s easy to get caught up in the craziness of school and convince yourself that these things come from you. That you can somehow control exactly what happens in your day and make yourself the greatest student there ever was. You forget the lessons you’ve learned since childhood and put everything on your shoulders. But without tapping into the ultimate source of these things, you can only dig so deep, can only stay positive for so long.

As someone who grew up in the church, I’ve always known that God was the ruler of my life and the source of my strength. However, this past year has supplied me with constant reminders. From switching up study styles and listening to my body’s needs, to taking on new leadership positions and realizing the gifts that I have been blessed with. Although I considered God a priority, there were patches of time during my first year when my life wasn’t reflective of this. During those times, my faith was very reactive instead of proactive. When times were good, my relationship with God dropped on my list of priorities, and in the sour patches, we were like best friends.

Of course, that’s not the way faith works. It has to be consistent. So I had to make some changes. I made time in my schedule to spend reading the word. It had to be first thing in the morning or the last thing before bed because if it was any other time, I could find an excuse. I used a devotional (Jesus Calling by Sarah Young) and reflected on how the words and verses applied to my life. I love to write out my reflections if I have time, but sometimes I just reflect in the mirror while I brush my teeth. I went to weekly bible study with other girls in my class (although I made my fair share of excuses with that too). I prayed before studying–which was actually a tip from one of my professors. I thanked God constantly for both my trials and successes. And anytime I felt down, my go to was Romans Ch. 8 specifically verses 37-39.

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Needless to say, me and Jesus rekindled our flame over the course of my first year. It shows in my attitude, in the way that I carry myself, in the energy I put out. The feeling of surrender–trusting God with each day, not always questioning why things play out the way they do. It’s like a high, and you have to keep feeding the spirit in order to maintain it. I make an effort to reflect the beautiful spirit within me in all of my interactions.

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